For those of you who aren’t sure, a ‘Friend with Benefits’ (FWB) is someone that you’re sleeping with in a completely open relationship. You are not a couple. You are free to date other people. If anything, you’re more like a booty call for each other. If you want to make a relationship like this work, there are many things that you need to take remember, including how to keep your emotions in check when you’re supposed to be just friends.
Keeping your head clear in a FWB relationship
Some people aren’t capable of having this type of relationship because they can’t keep their emotions separate from their sex life. It can be difficult, but following these tips will help you have a successful sex-only relationship with your friend.
Give yourselves space. While sleeping with your next door neighbor or a co-worker may seem like a good idea at the time, you need to have some physical space between the two of you when you’re not –*ahem* – doing the deed. Seeing your friend’s car missing three nights in a row, or over-hearing gossip about your co-worker’s date last night could lead to jealous feelings you’re not wanting to have.
Know its limits. You’re not in an actual relationship and don’t let yourself start to wonder “what it could be if…” It is what it is – sex. Leave it at that.
Continue dating. Make sure you keep dating which allows you to keep the FWB relationship more casual, and – you need to find an actual partner one of these days, right? But, only break it off with your FWB when you have had a discussion with your new partner about being monogamous. Until then, you don’t owe it to anybody to stop.
Be invisible. Don’t bring your sex buddy to hang around your family or friends. It will only serve to make them a more permanent part of your life which will turn into heartbreak if they find a real partner before you. Instead, keep it to booty calls only, in the privacy of your own place.
Kick him out. Don’t feel bad about asking him to leave your place, or sneaking out of his after you’ve done the deed. Cuddling after sex is more about an emotional than sexual bond, so grab your stuff and hit the road. Take a bath, and go to bed completely relaxed.
He’s dating too. Don’t go crazy if you see him with another girl. He has a right to be with her, just like you have the right to date other people too. Smile politely, introduce yourself as a friend, and then get out of there.
Stay in the bedroom. You may be tempted to go grab dinner or watch a movie together after the deed, but this turns the relationship into something more than just sex buddies. Doing this will make you feel more for the person, leading to potential heartache. Stick to what you do best together – have sex.
Use protection. Safe sex is always important, but you’re in a relationship that you’ve both labeled as non-monogamous, and who knows what kind of safe sex practices your partner is taking when they’re not with you – so make sure you always protect yourself and use a condom.
No Facebook. You’re sex buddies and that’s all. Don’t write messages on their wall about making plans, or having a good time the night before. You’re not together, so don’t act like it. Plus, to avoid any unwanted feelings of jealousy, don’t obsess over their Facebook profile or wall comments either.
You Can Say No. Just because you’re there for each other when the other needs some sex, it’s okay to say no sometimes too. You might not be in the mood or you may have other plans, and he needs to respect that. Just think of it like when you ask a good friend to dinner. They’re not always available and you don’t get mad at them – even if they’re already going out with another friend for dinner, right? Same thing here.