How many of us have ever thought we would find our one true love, our soul mate? Years ago, I had the same fantasy that many young girls had… I would meet the man of my dreams and he would whisk me away, the two of us completely in love with no worries or issues and live a long, happy, and prosperous life.
And then… (face palm) I realized that wasn’t going to happen. But I began to believe something different. My mind opened a little after a few experiences and I met men who made me really think about the whole concept of that one true love.
I dated one guy while in my early twenties and living in North Carolina: wow, he had my heart so bad. I thought for sure he was “the one”, I had finally found my soul mate. We had everything in common, sex was phenomenal, everything just seemed to fit. Everything except the fact that he was separated from his wife! Yep, my second real heartbreak that made me rethink the whole “soul mate” thing due to the fact that he wanted NOTHING to do with a relationship after just getting out of one. How could this be?
A few years later, I met a guy after I returned home to Ohio. Again, I felt the connection. It was great! No worries, great sex, similar likes and dislikes, good conversation. I remember one night we were hanging out smoking a little and listening to Mary J., I reluctantly brought up the “talk”. Ya know the one, “where is this going” and “I think we have something here…” Whatever…
I will never forget his response to me. I wasn’t offended, he really made me think and rethink yet again everything I had ever thought about finding “one true love” (of course maybe I was just high, who knows…). He said, (this may not be verbatim after 15 years but I’ll give it a shot), “It’s a big, big world out there with a lot of people… you never know…” I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that he didn’t feel the connection with me or that he really didn’t believe in the whole “one true love” thing, but it really hit me, hard.
While I was upset that he didn’t see any future with me, I began to do a little soul searching. He was right! We were so young and there were so many other people to meet, so many places to see, and so many things to do. For a spell, I believed that we had different soul mates throughout our lives: Sexual soul mate, intellectual soul mate, spiritual soul mate, etc. And I experienced them all! Could there really exist one person who had all these qualities? At one point I thought so, and then I grew up (or maybe I had my heart broken so much it jaded me).
And now… I’m still not sure if I believe in “one true love”. I’m not sure one person will ever fit our mold of perfection as we see it. I do know, when we meet someone with whom we feel a strong connection, we must do everything in our power to try to make it work. It’s not that we have that one true love that we are destined to be with, it’s more so that we meet that one person who we fall in love with and work really hard to make something of it; if, that’s what we want.
I was recently asked about my current relationship, if he was “the one”… Honestly, I don’t know if there is such a thing.
I DO know that no relationship is perfect and there is no one person we are meant to be with that causes no pain or heartache, no embarrassing moments or nights of being pissed off; there is no one person who knows the right things to say all the time; there is no one person who is going to make us feel like we are on top of the world all-of-the-time. We can only try to make it so… and make corrections when we slip up. Because we’re human and we will most certainly slip up.
Even if you do feel you have found that one true love, even if it feels like your soul mate, it will require a lot of work, compromise, and some sacrifice to keep your love strong and growing in the end, from the both of you…