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Privates on parade – how to jerk off in public and not get arrested

Dormitories are rich stomping grounds for the discovery of serial jerk off fiends. The trick such practitioners apply is to wait until they think everyone is asleep. These nocturnal creatures can be found in boarding schools, in military camps or anywhere where men are confined to the same bedroom.

Just allow sufficient hours after lights to go by and you will be able to identify at least one, and probably more likely, two or three jerk-off proficianado’s. What is a proficianado? It is someone proficient at a certain art or skill, in this instance the art of the nocturnal jerk off.

The jerk-off methods are many and varied but a particular favorite is the mattress hump, achieved as if practicing the butterfly swim stroke. This involves thrusting the buttocks up and down ceaselessly against the mattress until climax. You can tell when climax has been reached by the heavy breathing and exhausted state of the practitioner. This method is for the jerk off fiend who has abandoned all discretion and is quite prepared to put up with creaking springs and even shifting of the bed across the floor to attain satisfaction.

The more subtle jerk off practitioner hopes to disguise his activity by lying on his back and bending his legs under the covers, pretending that he has merely fallen asleep in ths somewhat unconventional pose. In reality, the space under the covers created by this position affords him access to privates which he pounds until climaxes against the bed sheets, or, if sufficiently prepared, onto a tissue. The stench of spent come then permeates the room.

On most evenings, it is entirely possible to escape detection, but occasionally one of the more vociferous co-habiters of the dormitory will express his distaste for the activity by proclaiming loudly: “For Christ’s sake, Carter (example) stop bloody tossing yourself stupid you dirty bastard.” To which the usual response is a muffled, “It’s not me you asshole, it’s Watson (example) it’s Watson.”

If Carter is very unlucky, Watson will be sufficiently awake to defend his honor, and he is likely to chip in with: “What the bloody hell are you talking about Carter, you filthy dirty tosser.” This can then lead to an argument and sometimes even a fight as alpha males struggle to assert their authority and re-install a measure of lost dignity with the aid of the same fist that only moments before was being used for fisting of an entirely different nature.


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About the Author

About the Author

Hi, I'm Joseph O'Connor. I am a twenty-six year old man from Texas, USA. I fell into writing about sex toys when I was looking for a way to both try new things and explore my body... Things progressed rapidly. It turns out there aren't many (straight) men that can talk about sex the way I do without getting downright ridiculous. I'm always reading more/learning about the human body and sexual response and always looking for ways to improve my sex life (and that of those I come in contact with).

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